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Here's a handy guide to getting out those pesky fabric stains:
Blood: Spill more blood around area of stain so it won't stand out
as much.
Ink: Fall to knees and plead, "Why, God, why? Why dost thou
test me so?"
Grass: Write the name of your liquid detergent on stain. Wash. Hold
up to camera, and show off the unbelievable results.
Mud: Place large iron-on NASCAR patch over stain. Apply heat for 60
seconds.
Grape Juice: Rub stain vigorously with wet paper towel from restroom
while saying, "Oh, &%$@ ... %$@&."
Coffee: Rub cream and sugar into stain. Apply oral suction. Enjoy
rich, robust coffee-stain flavor.
Wine: Apply mixture of 1/2 rum and 1/2 Coke to self until you no
longer care about some little &%$@ stain.
Chewing Gum: Using permanent marker, draw dotted line around stain.
Cut carefully on dotted line.
Nail Polish: Nail-polish stains are actually quite lovely. Why not
leave them in for a pleasing "homecrafted" look?
Bleach: Insoluble. Burn down house.
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